Wellygogs

by Jayne

All you ever wanted to know about ...

... "Arrumadores" or "tidying-uppers". I've just looked in the dictionary and if you're in a cinema, then it's an usher but that's too grand a word for them, as you'll see. The verb "arrumar" means to tidy up, so that's what I'll call them. They are a relatively new social phenomenon, they didn't exist in '94 when I first came to live here, and they've slowly crept into our daily lives from god knows where and are a bl@@dy nuisance! If you're in Porto or Lisbon then they can be a god-send and I don't mind them where they're needed. They actually provide a good public service.

Just the thing when you can't find a parking place in the city and all of a sudden this dishevelled creature jumps into the middle of the road in front of you, shouting and gesticulating like a maniac. He wants you to park in the space he's found for you and give him a tip. This is his unwillingly chosen profession cos it's about the only way he's got of making enough to pay for his addiction. If the parking space is legal, great and if it isn't, even better cos he'll do his loyal duty and make sure you don't get towed away or given a fine - all for 50 cents or 1 euro if he's lucky. Best not to ask how he does this. Fairy nuff!

Now picture if you will, Santo Tirso - a small city with not much of a parking problem except on Mondays cos it's market day and Thursdays for some unknown reason. The market place is a good place to park on any other day but Monday cos there's usually lots of free spaces. So you amble in, knowing exactly where you're going to park when suddenly, not one but three arrumadores jump out in front of you, each of them gesticulating wildly in different directions and all vying for your 50 cents.

I have a problem with this for several reasons:

• 1) they're not needed, therefore redundant, so why pay for something you can get for free,
• 2) our local arrumadores were all "cleaned up" by the local council, detox paid for, etc., so these are not local lads,
• 3) if you don't give them their pay-off, they smile sweetly and later scratch your car,
• 4) they "earn" more than I do plus theirs is tax free! Hmmm!

and

• 5) they don't wear wellies (I might be a bit more sympathetic if they did)

A couple of years ago, a journalist posed as an arrumador in Porto and managed to infiltrate one of the gangs after having his life threatened for trying to work someone else's patch. This is a highly-organised mafia-style system and you can't just decide to become an arrumador. Anyway, he was making on average 1,500 euros a month, which is a pretty decent salary here so I'm b@ggered if they get a cent out of me! (that looks like badgered but it's not!)

Actually one of them is a local and the only woman (I think) in this predominantly male environment. This androgynous creature is called Rosa and she's one helluva big little lady. I call her the poison dwarf and she looks like she hasn't had a bath for at least a year (do dwarves have baths?) so I tend to give her a wide berth whenever possible. I know we shouldn't make personal attacks 'n' stuff but I really don't think she's human, so it doesn't count. I think she's a relative of Gollum. Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Nasty, nasty, nasty.

Anyway, 'nuff said about arrumadores. Conclusion if you need them, pay them. If you've got a half-way decent car, pay them. If you've got one that's falling to pieces anyway, like me, don't pay them.

© Jayne 2005

Jayne is based in North Portugal.